Oh wow! how times have changed, and how time has allowed myself time (lol) to heal, reflect, learn and to just outgrow the pain I once felt. I can't believe that I'm actually out of it. Forgiveness and love wins guys! I am loved, and so are you. I actually do feel really happy knowing that people can actually get out of whatever slump their in given time, strength, and support. And it's also always nice and somewhat melancholy to reflect. But it gives you a great sense of comfort!
Anyhoooooo, here are a few little changes that I want to make in my days. I do generally have good daily routines and habit, but change is always fun!
1. Try to wake up before 8/8.30 no matter what
2. Eat more fruits and vege (I used to do this really well but sometimes you can't help but love carbs) but really, I realized how much I love fruits and I want to opt to fruits as my snacks again! And also nuts (even though it's really expensive as I'm on a student budget.. but I'll try).
3. Also, I drink a lot of water, but i dont think i do drink enough as compared to when I was in Malaysia (because I sweat and all) but yeah..
4. Exercise daily! No matter what! Prefferably before I properly start my day. My housemate rachel wakes up at 7 am every day and hits the gym before class. If she can do it so can I!!!! (I've done it and it makes me feel so good.)
5. Look at the mirror less and stop caring what people think of me and just be. STOP comparing past situations to present, and stop thinking of the future. Rather just aim to be better :-)
6. Give loads of damn about school work. I tend to drift a lot from that and think of trying to better my life. But I should really start giving a shit about work haha and have that push in my mind.
7. Once school reopen, I have to start making and prepping lunch and snack and not skip meals in between. Nut good..
Sooo all in all, I guess I kinda side tracked from the healthy routined I used to have. But there's nothing wrong! Just that I miss my body feeling good and not so slompy and blergh if you get what I mean! But I obviously obviouSLY indulge once in a while or maybe all the time hahahaha but yeh it's good to indulge in moderation.
8. SAVE MONEY.
9. I am trying to switch to being a vegetarian, I won't give myself a time frame, rather I'm just gonna do it daily and I'm reallllyyy excited for it. I'm kinda uhhh nervous because I LOVE MEAT AND FOOD AND LOADS OF FOOD HAVE MEAT IN IT and all that jazzz, and I love trying new things and i always feel like i havent tried enough to be vegetarian, but that's just a selfish excuse I guess.. me wanting to try out more meat for personal pleasure, but yeah.. I'm gonna try that (after i've finished my fish which is tomorrow)
Monday, December 28, 2015
Friday, August 21, 2015
Honesty
Hello there everybody. It's 3.09 am and I am here to talk about something very important that I believe and feel that I should share/talk/discuss about. I don't know if anyone reads this space but it's such a nice and clean space to share my thoughts and views and what I've learnt. It also motivates me very much when I share my thoughts to actually do as I think and do as I write and acting upon something is such a rich and respectable thing.
Anyway, we all have the tendency to lie to ourselves about things to stay in the safety zone. Okay not safety zone but to be in our comfort zone for god knows how long. And sometimes our comfort zone will coupe us up rather than open us up and then that's when you know that your comfort zone has become your danger zone. especially when rapid and huge changes are happening in your comfort zone, indicating that it's time to get out. and that's when you really have to get out. and obviously once you get out, things will get fucking out of hand and the process might vary. it might be short for others it might be long for others. and the process would involve loads of what the fuck moments, loads of okay this feels good moments, a lot of weird voids in your heart moments, and moments of contentment but when you think about it, it makes you more aware of feelings and situations and more pro active to what you have to do. Okay i'm going too deep into the process, but the process is the most important part ever, the process makes you understand and the process pushes you and when it pushes you you really have to go with the push, get the fuck out there and act upon it because no one would act or help you on being fucking better other than your own fucking effort, and your own heart. you can't be stubborn and you can't stay in fucking comfort. wouldn't you back and body hurt from lying down on the fucking couch? you've got to move, you've got to swing your arms, youve got to look far and then near you've got to shake things off and you've got to breathe new air. and that is what the process of becoming is all about. it's about putting yourself into the unknown and experiencing all of this pain, all of this uneasiness, all of this contentment, all of this "okay life is gonna be okay and life is okay." it's also about realizing the people who love you it's realizing the need to balance your elements. it's to find the truth and it's to increase your faith in where life and god brings you.
But what I'm here to advice, and what I need to learn is to learn to not to lie to yourself. You won't get anywhere when you lie to yourself. It's horrible if you have loved ones who have lied to you, I don't know if I've experienced that, but I hope I don't in the future. Or in the present. But it's worse if you lie to yourself. Because it's you and you are you and it's horrible if you live a lie about how you're supposed to live your life or how your life is like now. You have to be honest. If you think your life suck, tell yourself it does. But remember to work and to take the best out of the truth and work on it. Work so hard for your own life that you're able to take the truth and make the fucking best out of it. Tell yourself. Tell yourself that you're not happy but be honest with the courage you gather and be honest about how you make it better. That's so fucking beautiful. You really have to be honest with yourself. If you realize that you have been living for others and for people who now don't give a shit about you, work on it. Realize that you have no space for people who don't give a shit about it. Realize that it hurts, realize that you feel anger but realize that you can't have those feelings in you, be honest that you know deep down you're better than that. Be honest with yourself, but avoid ever feeling sorry for yourself. But i believe that once you're honest with yourself, self pity is away man, and self pity is off. Why? because you're fucking dealing with yourself and youre fucking slapping yourself with the honest truth and you're fucking manning up to yourself and that's beautiful.
I'm learning so much and it's crazy. And I hope from the bottom of my heart that I'm implying whatever I am learning. But I believe in my heart that I am because I am so excited. I do get worried about how I will feel the next day, I do worry about what will trigger my mind set and my feelings, but then again, I am in love with the honesty in my life and I am in love in how I am honest with myself about how I am in the situation around me. It's true, the truth hurts. It hurts so much but you can never ever run away from it. Even if you do run away from it, it'll eventually reveal itself to you. Be enthusiastic about being honest, and be enthusiastic in achieving for the better. Even if there's no such thing as better or worse, but better just feels so good. Have a vision on what you wish to achieve and be so honest with yourself about it. Be honest to the people around you too. Never lie. A lie leads to another lie and you'll be in a mess. Love live and live with honesty.
You can do it, I can do it. Look at the bigger picture. Whatever shit you're going through now, it might be horrible and it might feel like a huge part of your life and it is. But remember, we can always break through from things if we just fucking let go and venture out into the present. Step the fuck out of your comfort zone, feel fucking uneasy and try to make it right. And do it over and over again. Be excited on living life in the edge. Be excited about falling into mistakes. But fall inlove with honesty, fall inlove with kindness.
Good night :-)
Anyway, we all have the tendency to lie to ourselves about things to stay in the safety zone. Okay not safety zone but to be in our comfort zone for god knows how long. And sometimes our comfort zone will coupe us up rather than open us up and then that's when you know that your comfort zone has become your danger zone. especially when rapid and huge changes are happening in your comfort zone, indicating that it's time to get out. and that's when you really have to get out. and obviously once you get out, things will get fucking out of hand and the process might vary. it might be short for others it might be long for others. and the process would involve loads of what the fuck moments, loads of okay this feels good moments, a lot of weird voids in your heart moments, and moments of contentment but when you think about it, it makes you more aware of feelings and situations and more pro active to what you have to do. Okay i'm going too deep into the process, but the process is the most important part ever, the process makes you understand and the process pushes you and when it pushes you you really have to go with the push, get the fuck out there and act upon it because no one would act or help you on being fucking better other than your own fucking effort, and your own heart. you can't be stubborn and you can't stay in fucking comfort. wouldn't you back and body hurt from lying down on the fucking couch? you've got to move, you've got to swing your arms, youve got to look far and then near you've got to shake things off and you've got to breathe new air. and that is what the process of becoming is all about. it's about putting yourself into the unknown and experiencing all of this pain, all of this uneasiness, all of this contentment, all of this "okay life is gonna be okay and life is okay." it's also about realizing the people who love you it's realizing the need to balance your elements. it's to find the truth and it's to increase your faith in where life and god brings you.
But what I'm here to advice, and what I need to learn is to learn to not to lie to yourself. You won't get anywhere when you lie to yourself. It's horrible if you have loved ones who have lied to you, I don't know if I've experienced that, but I hope I don't in the future. Or in the present. But it's worse if you lie to yourself. Because it's you and you are you and it's horrible if you live a lie about how you're supposed to live your life or how your life is like now. You have to be honest. If you think your life suck, tell yourself it does. But remember to work and to take the best out of the truth and work on it. Work so hard for your own life that you're able to take the truth and make the fucking best out of it. Tell yourself. Tell yourself that you're not happy but be honest with the courage you gather and be honest about how you make it better. That's so fucking beautiful. You really have to be honest with yourself. If you realize that you have been living for others and for people who now don't give a shit about you, work on it. Realize that you have no space for people who don't give a shit about it. Realize that it hurts, realize that you feel anger but realize that you can't have those feelings in you, be honest that you know deep down you're better than that. Be honest with yourself, but avoid ever feeling sorry for yourself. But i believe that once you're honest with yourself, self pity is away man, and self pity is off. Why? because you're fucking dealing with yourself and youre fucking slapping yourself with the honest truth and you're fucking manning up to yourself and that's beautiful.
I'm learning so much and it's crazy. And I hope from the bottom of my heart that I'm implying whatever I am learning. But I believe in my heart that I am because I am so excited. I do get worried about how I will feel the next day, I do worry about what will trigger my mind set and my feelings, but then again, I am in love with the honesty in my life and I am in love in how I am honest with myself about how I am in the situation around me. It's true, the truth hurts. It hurts so much but you can never ever run away from it. Even if you do run away from it, it'll eventually reveal itself to you. Be enthusiastic about being honest, and be enthusiastic in achieving for the better. Even if there's no such thing as better or worse, but better just feels so good. Have a vision on what you wish to achieve and be so honest with yourself about it. Be honest to the people around you too. Never lie. A lie leads to another lie and you'll be in a mess. Love live and live with honesty.
You can do it, I can do it. Look at the bigger picture. Whatever shit you're going through now, it might be horrible and it might feel like a huge part of your life and it is. But remember, we can always break through from things if we just fucking let go and venture out into the present. Step the fuck out of your comfort zone, feel fucking uneasy and try to make it right. And do it over and over again. Be excited on living life in the edge. Be excited about falling into mistakes. But fall inlove with honesty, fall inlove with kindness.
Good night :-)
Thursday, August 13, 2015
It's ok to whine once in a while right? I'm just pretty bumped because I have been looking forward for this Architectual thingy that my dad paid for me to for with him. But I just got my blood test results back and apparently I have dengue I mean not apparently.. But I do have dengue and I have to be hospitalized and all that jazz and it just makes me feel abit crushed cz I was looking forward so much to go for the forum to listen and to gain knowledge and inspiration. But I guess some things are beyond your control and you've just gotta accept things as it is and know that things will get better sooner or later and brighter days are yet to come. Better safe than sorry!! Luckily I went to get my blood test checked just now and not take it for granted. I'm glad that I know now but just bumped that I can't make it for the forum that's all. But I've been surrounded by love and care and have been trying to be strong. Life is good. I am blessed.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
I hope I can find and feel the light again soon. Isn't the word "light" such a lovely word? It could mean the opposite of heaviness and also the opposite of darkness. I am capable. I really am :-) I just want to give love and share love like it's over flowing in me. Because it is. Because we all are!
Am down with a supa dee dupa high fever which I find funny and kinda eventful in a way cz I hardly ever fall sick ever! But I am super duper grateful with the love I have around me and the care that is over and ever flowing. I am beyond grateful and can't wait to heal in order to get back on track and help back and do my duty as a Zoe Kan :-) I am beyond grateful. Just wanna show gratitude to the peepo who knows that I'm not feeling well and are showing their concerns and mum and dad whose love are unconditional. I am so blessed and grateful. I hope to heal ASAP! Nanight x
Friday, August 7, 2015
Twinkle sand
Today was good. I woke up and made avocado toast and dealt with application stuff. Then my aunt picked mum and me up to go to dad's office for Raya lunch. Talked to my aunt about her life in uk cz she said it was the most meaningful time for her and I was curious.
I guess peaks of exaggerated changes are when you feel like life is meaningful because you learn and you put in action to things. But I also believe that one should always make life somewhat meaningful. Enjoy long walks on the edge, you know?
Then after that hung out with dad at a coffee shop while mum did her hair. I've been reading the book I just bought. I tend to have to re read the whole chapter again after the first time. Idk whether it's some ADHD thing that I can't concentrate but then after that I'll be able to continue reading page by page!
And then I had a nice talk with dad about Malaysia... Man this country. People of Malaysia shouldn't and I repeat shouldn't be oblivious towards what is happening to this country. I won't elaborate but it's power and his power is worthless and he has power by post but at the end of the day I imagine him waking up with a heavy heart for the things he has done to this country. I learnt a lot about justice today.
Went for Japanese dinner I love Japanese food. There was this lady who was really nice who owned the restraunt and I really did like her character a lot.
Came back, and went for a walk. Spotted a musang (not the car lol) spotted a snail, spotted a dead frog and also a live baby frog hopping. Listened to the insects in their own orchestra. Thank you.
I'm off to bed now :-) today was a blessing. I feel a lil' bit off but it's ok. I live by the day (or at least I hope I do)
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